So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The last 2 weeks have been challenging for me and my family. My brother died on August 22 – his 66th birthday. No, it was not expected. Yes, he was sick. His disease has been with him for many years, but we did not expect this – not now. But it did happen. “Danny is gone”, my sister told me on the phone on that morning. Gone.
Since that moment there have been phone calls, visits, gatherings, memorials, prayers, food, tears, hugs, emails, texts, songs, words. I needed them everyone. I still need them. I need You.
Dear God – This hurts, God. Why? Why did my brother have to die? Why were so many years of his life lived in the darkness of his addiction? Why does his wife and son have to continue on without her husband and his dad? Why do I hurt so much? Is he there with you God? Is he smiling and laughing and full of life, just like I am going to remember him, God? Why do I hurt so much God? God, You know I love you. That will never change. But right here, right now….I need You!
Danny and I had a lot of history together. A LOT. I will cherish the years we shared a duplex together – Me and Danny on one side, our sister and niece on the other side. Built in friends. Always something to do and somebody to do it with. Living life with gusto. The lake, camping, a concert or two, beach trips, music, food, celebrations. I will always remember Danny’s 30th birthday party.
I need You, God.
God, I have put on a good face lately. I am trying to be strong. But just under the surface, the memories linger. And the tears flow again. God, please uphold me, ok? Strengthen me. Help me.
And then it happens. A text from a friend. A phone call. A hand on my shoulder. I need You, God. And you are there. In the heart of a Brother who cares about my well being. In his words of concern. Ready, willing, able to offer a hand or an ear. I need them, God. I need You.
Tears (of Joy)
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You.
God, I am not fearful, You have strengthened me. You are upholding me right now. I need You. I will always need You. And I need them too, God. Your obedient servants, my Brothers who have listened to your call to minister to me. I love you, God. I love them, God.
We will get through this, together!
With much Love, many tears, and still being needy,